Today is my Grandma's birthday. She'd be 98. She passed away 10 years ago, but I still can't get in terms with that.
As for me, she's somewhere near me and I always remember her voice, her strories and cooking recipes - a lot of minor everyday things that keep on reminding me of her. And of course, I have a picture of my Grandma on the shelf in the kitchen, where I spend quite a lot of time when at home. She's smiling to me, and sometimes I talk to her.
Many years back, my Grandma was such a big and integral part of my life that I couldn't imagine that it could be any other way. I used to wake up early without an alarm clock because I heard a familiar whisper: "Wake up, Lana, it's time to school". And the first thing I felt every morning was a smell of fresh pancakes and a tea waiting for me in the kitchen.
When I came back from school, my Grandma was waiting for me with a fresh lunch and while I was excitied eating and telling my daily news (including bad teachers, fights with the classmates, my top marks on algebra tests etc.) she set quitely listening to me and nodding with her gentle smile, and her warm tired hands stroke my head.
She was the only person in the world I could share my deepest secrets and darkest fears with...
Because of her - and without any special effort, just in due course of our everyday life - the great values such as family, love, care were incorporated in my heart and became as natural as life and breathing.
Now, being grown-up and seeing that for some people to understand, accept and embrace those values takes a lot of efforts, pains and mistakes, I'm really glad that my Grandma had blessed me with her wisdom in early years, when my heart was open and my trust to the world was unlimited.
I'm no longer a girl, but her spirit is still with me. And sometimes when I'm desperate or broken-hearted, I cry and talk to her (picture), and she's smiling to me and I feel her warm hands on my head, and it gets better.
I believe in God and I know that my Grandma is in Heaven. But for me she's still alive somehow....